Filling in the Blanks
- Alice Ranker
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
It was an ordinary day, nothing unusual…I sent the text.
Hours passed.
Nothing.
It wasn’t an emergency. There wasn’t really anything important to respond to, but after a few hours passed my mind quietly filled in the gaps and started writing an ending to the story that hadn’t been finished.
Was my text misunderstood?
Maybe they’re upset with me.
Maybe I’ve become one more person they don’t have time for.
Have you noticed how quickly our minds rush to finish stories that haven’t actually been written?
Maybe the goal isn’t to stop telling stories altogether. Maybe it’s simply to recognize when we’ve wandered into fiction.
RECOGNIZE
Our brains don’t like unfinished stories. We naturally seek resolution.
When information is missing, our minds instinctively try to complete the picture.
No, we aren’t being dramatic.
Uncertainty can leave us feeling vulnerable, even in mild daily interactions.
A coworker seems short with you.
Your partner is unusually quiet.
A friend declines an invitation.
None of these tell us the whole story. But if we’re not paying attention, it’s easy to allow a simple interaction, or the absence of one, to dictate the narrative.
This is where maybe we should be more observers than authors.
Facts are usually pretty short.
The stories we tell ourselves is where the extra details show up.
REFRAME
The first story isn’t always the truest one.
When my daughter was a teenager, she shared something I've never forgotten.
She said,
"Your first thought is your default. It's what you've been taught or trained to think. Your second thought—that one's yours."
Reframing isn’t putting on rose colored glasses. It’s simply allowing room for more than one explanation.
Instead of…
“She’s avoiding me.”
Maybe…
”She’s carrying something I know nothing about.”
Instead of…
”Well that’s an epic fail.”
Maybe…
”I’m still learning.”
(And side note, I don’t actually believe in failure. I think it’s evidence that something didn’t work and an invitation to try something else.)
My therapist always reminds me to get curious.
Curiosity leaves room that certainty closes.
What would happen if we held our conclusions loosely until we had all the information?
RESTORE
Respond to facts, not assumptions.
When you notice yourself creating a story:
Pause.
Maybe ask yourself:
What do I actually know?
What am I assuming?
What evidence do I have?
Is there another explanation that’s possible?
Years ago, I heard Dr. Bréne Brown talk about “the story we tell ourselves.”
I remember thinking,
Oh…I do that too.
Learning to pause and observe what was really happening has released me from writing and re-writing the story in my mind. It requires a lot of energy and mental space to live here, writing and re-writing the narrative only to discover that you were far from the actual events.
Life gives us enough real challenges.
We don’t need to create extra ones while we’re waiting for answers.
I try to notice how often I fill in the blanks before life has a chance to finish the sentence.
Sometimes I’m right.
Often, I’m not.
Either way, I’ve learned that peace usually lives a little longer in curiosity than it does in assumption.
That’s become another way I practice the values I try to live by: curiosity, compassion, radical acceptance, and love.
So the next time your mind begins writing a story, pause before you believe the ending.
You may not have all the pages yet.
Have the best week.
Much love,
Always a good reminder.