Couple's coaching can be tricky. We never really know what's going on until we start peeling back a few layers and they get comfortable enough with us to be vulnerable. Recently, I was working with a couple that were struggling in an area that's pretty common for most of the couple's we work with. Life seems to get in the way of their relationship and their affection takes a back seat. When couples stop having fun together, they stop communicating effectively, and that leads to a lack of intimacy or affection. The lack of intimacy reiterates the miscommunication (or adds filters to their communication) and it just snowballs from there.
So where do we start? Dating. Our first homework assignment for couple's is to to date, spend quality time together. There are a lot of obstacles that can get in the way of couples spending quality time together; small children, finances, busy schedules. They can all make it difficult, but not impossible. We need to start with reframing what dating looks like. It can be as simple as a picnic in the living room during nap time when you have little ones or taking a walk at the park when finances are tight. The point is to spend quality time together not talking about your daily routines, schedules, chores, etc. Instead, talk about your shared memories of good times, the things that brought you together, the reason you fell in love in the beginning. That's where we start. We build from there. This is the homework you are now assigned for the rest of your relationship~dating every week.
Once we establish a new default and effective communication we dig deeper into the real issues. No one teaches us how to be in a relationship. Most of us learn from the family we grew up in, if we're lucky it was a good example. If not, we have a lot of work to do. Either way, when ever we are merging two individuals with differing backgrounds, cultures, family dynamics, personalities, etc. it's going to require intentionality, patience, and compromise.
I know personally the work that a healthy relationship requires. Timothy and I have been married for 25 years. We have not had 25 blissful years. But I can say that every year gets better. We work hard at our marriage. Like other couples, we have times that we struggle with intimacy, selfishness, and complacency. Over the years, we have gotten quicker at recognizing those behaviors and calling them out so we can get back to what's important. Us. We do this by talking and spending time together. For us, a little quality time goes a long way at filling our love tank.
How about you? Do you have regular check-ins with your partner? Do you ask how you can better love them or what they need from you this coming week? Do you talk about where you can both improve or grow? Do you discuss needs or desires?
Communication is where we start with every couple. Where we go next depends on the couple and their specific needs. Our coaching program covers: communication, conflict resolution, roles & responsibilities, finances, intimacy & leisure time, blended families, stress, and so much more. It doesn't matter what phase you are in we have seen couples from dating to 30+ years of marriage. If you and your partner could use a little refresher or you know someone who does, please feel free to reach out. We are a judgment free zone. We are solution focused and believe strongly in practical application and equipping our couple's that work with us with the necessary tools to have a successful relationship. I have seen what happens when couple's start using the tools. They work if you do. 😉
We offer a 20 minute consultation to ensure we are a good fit at no charge so you have nothing to lose to get started. We also offer packages for your convenience. Don't stay stuck or miserable. It doesn't have to be that way~you deserve the joy and love that a healthy relationship brings.