The Cost of Over-Giving

Recently I shared the post below on social media. It seemed to really resonate. I thought this blog would be a good place to unpack that a little further.

There’s been a great deal of research that confirms ‘feeling unseen’ creates a need for validation and connection later in life. So, it makes sense that we would take on the roles of caretaker and fixer. 

Some of us learned early that love meant showing up, fixing things, and making sure everyone else was okay.

It’s only after recognizing the exhaustion that I think we discover the patterns. 

Overgiving wasn’t a flaw.

It was a survival strategy.

And now, with awareness and compassion, you can choose differently.

This is how it shows up:

You are the first one to check in.

You feel the tension or energy shift and make the necessary adjustments to ensure everyone is comfortable.

You anticipate needs in advance.

You carry the emotional weight of the relationship.

And sometimes, you give more than you receive. 

This isn't weakness — it's learned behavior.

Over-giving often comes from a good place.

Through my personal exploration, I have discovered that overgiving served a purpose. It helped me survive. It allowed me to connect. And it gave me a way to feel valued. 

Until it didn’t. 

Now, I am practicing radical love and acceptance, of myself and others.

(Don't scoff, this is harder than it sounds. I even got a tattoo for my birthday as a personal reminder.)

Radical love and acceptance means we don’t shame the version of ourselves that learned to overgive.

We thank her.

She was trying to protect us.

It also means that I offer this love and acceptance to others. Much like practicing vulnerability, it requires the appropriate permissions (boundaries). 

This is less about blame and more about noticing. 

Notice when you feel tired.

Notice when resentment begins to build.

Notice when you feel out of balance and overwhelmed. 

Because awareness creates choice.

You can still care deeply without carrying everything, including fixing everything. 

Radical acceptance allows you to care for others without abandoning yourself. Loving others enough to allow their discomfort just might encourage growth, for both parties. 

Exhaustion is not a side effect of loving well.

And you can’t earn belonging. 

You’re not becoming selfish.

You’re becoming balanced.

You can still be generous, warm, and caring.

But now, you’re learning to include yourself in that care.

And maybe this is where it begins, not with dramatic change, but with quiet awareness.

Noticing when you step in too quickly.

Noticing when you take on what isn’t yours.

Noticing when you feel the familiar pull to fix, smooth, or carry.

And then, gently choosing something different.

Maybe you pause.

Maybe you let someone else take responsibility.

Maybe you allow discomfort without rushing to resolve it.

This is what practicing radical love and acceptance looks like, not just toward others, but toward yourself.

You’re not abandoning your caring nature.

You’re simply learning that caring for others and caring for yourself were never meant to be separate.

And that might be where balance begins.

Much love to you this week as you notice and choose YOU.

Ps. Remember save the images for your reflection.

Let's Talk-First 15 min are on me

15min

Book Now

Couple's Coaching

Plan only

50min

Book Now