Pass the Gravy

Alice Ranker
11 minutes ago
3 min read

Ah, the holidays…that time of year when we gather around the table to share a meal, love our people, and silently brace ourselves for the moment someone asks,...(insert awkward moment in your family)

There are as many personalities around the table as there are side dishes, some sweet and some savory. Around this table are also a range of emotions. Grief, missing those who no longer have a seat at the table. Joy, for the new ones who pull up a chair. Stress for all the effort it took to show up and a pause, to exhale because hopefully the love in the room envelops everyone.

And if this year looks different for you, whether it’s quieter, complicated, or intentionally peaceful, you are not forgotten. You belong in this story too.

Based on the tools we’ve practiced all year: self-awareness, reframing, boundaries, repair, and trusting your intuition, I've put together a Holiday Meal Survival Guide. Because it’s not the turkey that dries you out, it’s the emotional stamina required.

Here are some questions/thoughts to help you evaluate and prepare.

1. Self awareness

What am I already carrying into the day?
Where are my energy leaks?
What’s running in the background that I may need to quiet before going in?
Listen to your favorite song on repeat on your drive.

Don’t walk in with a low battery, drained and empty. While you can’t regulate your aunt’s tone or sarcasm, you can regulate your responses.

2. Boundaries & Permission

Step outside to breathe
Walk the dog (even if they don’t have one)
Go to the bathroom and practice box breathing
Bring your own car

You’re an adult. You’re allowed to go outside without anyone asking where you’re going. And remember, you can politely decline entering the pineapple-upside-down cake of family drama.

3. Reframe

They’re not attacking you; they’re communicating from their own unhealed place.
That comment wasn’t about you; it was about their story, not yours.
Some people mistake curiosity for interrogation.

When Uncle Bob asks why you're still single, reframe: ‘Ah, yes. A man with three divorces is offering relationship advice.’ Bless his heart. Then ask someone to pass the gravy.

4. Repair & Grace

I recently wrote a two part blog on Repair. If you want to dive deeper I’ve linked a few helpful blogs below. Repair is a current practice for me too.

Remember, you don’t have to skip dessert if things go sideways at the table.

If you snap, you can circle back.
If someone else snaps, you don’t have to absorb it.
Repair is about connection, not perfection.

Repair isn’t about everyone holding hands and singing Kumbaya. It's more like… acknowledging you raised your eyebrow too hard.

5. Trust Yourself

Trust your cues
Leave early if needed, or take a walk, step outside
Eat before you arrive (if your stress kills your appetite)
Choose peace over performance

Your worth isn’t measured by how well you manage everyone else’s emotions at dinner. That’s not your responsibility.

If you aren’t spending the holidays with family, I hope you celebrate with chosen family or create a new tradition that feeds your soul. Your holiday is valid, even if it looks nothing like a Norman Rockwell painting.

There are still a couple days to prepare before the first holiday meal. What’s one gentle intention that you can bring to your holiday this year that protects your peace and honors your heart?

Which tool (awareness, reframe, boundary, repair, or trust) do you want to carry into the holiday that would be helpful?

I hope this blog resonated and was helpful to you, that is always my intention. I would love it if you would share it with a friend who may also find it insightful.

Wherever and however you spend this holiday season, I hope it brings you at least one moment of warmth, laughter, or peace.

Much love,